This is how it feels to be abandoned.
I mean literally left to my own devices, down and out, caught between a rock and a hard place sort of thing. I could picture in my mind Mick Jagger singing those lines.
Abandoned [adjective] {u’ban-dund}
- Empty of people and unused, not maintained by the owner or inhabitants
- Free from constraint
Nobody’s fault but mine, as Led Zeppelin so eloquently expressed. Because nowadays, the only comfort I can come by is the music and stories that run in my head. And the movies I watch over and over, even doing marathons whenever the opportunity arose.
My recent move from one place to another, the nomadic form of existence which I have come to know intimately for several years now, is tiring and costly. And Papa Was A Roling Stone , from a more recent cover by George Michael comes to mind. But it’s not that all poetic nor romantic. I n real life, the line “wherever I lay my hat is home” is not something nobody can appreciate. Moving from one place to another means it didn’t work out. And quite frankly, depressing up to a point, because I don’t normally give in to wallowing on failures and pitfalls. And living off of friends and family is something I am loathe to do, but swallowing that bitter pride has made me succumb to anyway. For my defense, I don’t really feel good about having to borrow, and ask, leach whatever morsel that comes off my friendship or from my kin. It’s a sad state. All because in the middle of all these I still believe in me making it with my art and stories.
Abandon [verb] {u’ban-dun}
- Forsake, leave behind
- Give up with the intent of never claiming again
- Leave behind empty; move out of
- Stop maintaining or insisting on ideas or claims
- Leave someone who needs or counts on you; leave in the lurch
And this is how it feels to be abandoned. Castaway but without the shipwreck.
And Wilson.
In my times of near-drowning, I was able to create some good designs, works that could have earned me enough to get by for several weeks, but no, I gave them away for free. A previous employer, whom I thought was cool and eccentric turned out to be just another employer, with weird thoughts of altruism. Doing everything in the workplace on minimum wage is okay, but to take the blame for things I don’t even know about just doesn’t make it right. Water under the bridge and all that crap but the memory do smart and leave a mark, like a rash you can’t help but scratch till the skin is red. So don’t tread on me. Continue reading
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