Trudge

After a while, I get to thinking all that has come to pass. I get this way when I walk. A sort of locomotive thought unable to stop once the resolve to just take the stride and the feet kept switching places before one another, towards any destination I have in mind.

  • This or maybe I just don’t have enough money for a bus fare. Which work both ways since at these times I do a lot of pondering.

Like turning your head from whence you came but moving forward:

The love and affection, freely given,

  • This often starts then whole thought engine revving.

The songs sung with wanton sincerity,

The capturing of life and ideas into detailed ink depictions on paper,

  • Of course I have decided on this long ago but took some time taking off, what, with all the financial inadequacies that has befallen my so-called artistic career.

The hurt sustained by those we love,

The pain we gained from those we loved,

  • Truth is, up until now I still think I was adopted, even with all the evident hereditary characteristics present in me as by my siblings, still I feel very different from my brothers. I even feel that I share a kind of Thor-Loki relationship with one, but I’m not sure which one- the brute or the prankster.

The trust professed and destroyed,

All the trappings of a feeling human whom we pictured ourselves to be, those whose beliefs in a higher power, whom we are supposed to follow without questions, but whose wrath may soon come upon us in fiery brimstone and searing horror. The sainthood our forbears tried to instill on our childish minds, feeble thoughts of tne afterlife may be a reward for our suffering…

  • And the idea of worshipping a wrathful, vengeful godhead is absurd. If that is true, then by no means the devil is much more agreeable.

Yet…

We suffer for our passion, we suffer for our art. Continue reading

My Desolation

Desolation [noun] {de-su’ley-shun}

  1. The state of being decayed or destoyed
  2. A bleak and desolate atmosphere
  3. Sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned
  4. An event that results in total destruction

Synonyms

  • Bareness
  • Bleakness
  • Devastation
  • Forlorness
  • Loneliness
  • Nakedness

In the 20 odd years I have been eking a living in the city, this is probably the time and place that will require my most inert survival skills to come out and then dig deeper for more.  Compared to the semi permanent habitations this body has occupied over the years, specially during college when my preconceptions of urban living has been shattered, a veritable culture shock, thankfully came early in life, today is something like Mark Watney went through on Mars, but with less resources and even fewer funding.

So I did what he did – science the shit out of this gig – to paraphrase his point.

Oh yes, to digress a bit. I was watching The Martian last night and it came to me that being left on a planet without someone to turn to but yourself bears the analogs of where I am today. Though I could have wished for a HAB and some prepacked food, among other provisions, my family and a few real good friends serves as my HAB. Don’t believe the hype, city living is not glamorous. Nor is it even fulfilling. I may fallen in love with Metro Manila, but the relationship has gone sour and all the effort today is to make it through the next payday, earn enough and get back to the country side. This transient life may have been my own for quite sometime, but all I want to do now is go home.

Kinda like Watney? You bet.

Now, while I am still on the lookout for freelance jobs and other projects, I have found myself in this charming place, but with a few roadblocks. The room is affordable enough (read that dirt-cheap) and I am eternally gratefull for my new landlord. But the room is actually a storeroom for unused cloth and garment from her dressmaking shop. Ample ventilation is from three windows, one glass louvered window faces the East, which is what I prefer, overlooking an empty lot with some trees and lots of fighting cocks, a tin roof with rotting wood and cat poop, and some empty plastic gallons, stringed together by my neighbour , who’s obviously looking to sell. The other window faces directly to that neighbour’s concrete wall, and the last one, well is my own personal picture window, bare and open, that serves as my clothes drier when I have laundry to do. Also, as my default spot to throw out used water, early morning garglings and the rare spittle. Continue reading

Nicottaenneaous Caffeineiac Musings 102313

  • News – is when a known celebrity couple splits up and the girl deletes all photos of them, together, from their instagram account. Really interesting stuff.
  • The German Embassy in Manila donates Php13.7M to the earthquake-hit Bohol and Cebu. The Philippine government agencies, however, are still arguing amongst themselves whether to let filipinos know that we have money, just not for everybody.
  • Did you know there are more people who can afford DSLRs and yet shoots the same damn thing every time? And they have the gall to watermark all their photos and upload them online.
  • Did you know using someone else’s photograph should be called theft, and not plagiarism? There’s a difference. Look it up. It’s the reason you have search engines.
  • Do you understand that photography is a kind of theft? What else would you call a captured moment? Why do we call them “take the shot” in the first place.
  • We should really start monitoring our politicians and government agencies. They seem to have flunked mathematics and we readily put them in positions that desperately needs some mathematical prowess. Case in point: Taxes, PDAF, and disaster relief funds.

Just a random image to accompany a blog post.

  • Admit it. You put too much weight on people’s appearance.
  • When asking for help, try to ask in a manner that would tip the favor in your side. People will do it for free, if you ask nicely.
  • I’m losing my faith with news and journalism. There’s too much fluff and frills that go with the daily broadcast.
  • I’m getting tired of living in the big city. My thoughts are now geared towards landing a big freelance job, or some really steady flow of  low paying but consistent jobs. I’m up to here with city life.
  • Lay off of Freddie Aguilar’s love life. When you talk about his love life, you must ne talking about his sex life. And that’s none of your business. People who aren’t getting laid are the ones holding a grudge against people who are getting it.
  • You might have guessed, even blogging has taken a back step when I’m illustrating and drawing.

…and I’m just killing time, letting some steam out before the weekend sets in and once again I barricade meself in me batcave and draw some more.