Pedestrian Panderings

I came home last night, midnight, the way I came to work yesterday afternoon – walking. Seventeen minutes of putting my right foot in front of the left seem to be a good, practical way, since my apartment is not that far from the tv studio. Of course, most of the time, I’d have to take a tricycle to the main road, and catch a jeepney for a quick trip to work.

What am I saying?

This is Metro Manila, after all. There are no quick trips to anywhere. Every place you need to be, you have to leave early, depending on the distance. Gates of Hell, and all that. Anyway, I could really use the exercise, whenever I can. Yes laundry can be a formidable exertion of sorts, but nothing beats walking. More so now, that I still have to gather enough dough to build me another mistress, of sorts, a hybrid bike for my needs.

Good luck with that.

I’m still paying for a motorcycle I haven’t enjoyed riding. That makes it worse.

So I walk. Whenever the opportunity presents itself. The clouds up there promises a bountiful rainfall, and that makes the decision exciting. Better to risk being wet, than getting stuck in traffic, inside a jeepney where most passengers forget they only paid for one, but occupies space for three, a booming stereo system that is neither entertaining nor soothing, given the fact that the driver have chosen the irritating FM radio station or a playlist that has fewer lyrics than cha-cha music.

And I walked, avoiding the errant elbows and arrogant knees of daily commute. I get to scout if there are new Lugaw stands, or if QC garbage collection has improved as of late. Still no luck with that.

I put on my earplugs and listen to Michael Crichton‘s Congo on my mobile phone. But the darn thing is so cheap, the earplugs, I mean, the audiobook get overpowered by the noise, I give up and adjust my backpack, and just stroll.

Backpack? Yes. I started carrying extra clothes again, a pair of flip flops for those impromptu water wading moments when it rains, and a change of underwear and trail shorts. Either I get splashed by vehicles driving hard on puddles on my way to work, rain may fall without warning. It’s like having prophylactic in your wallet, better to have them around and not use it, instead of needing one and not having any. Better this analogy than that gun reference. I hate guns.

Halfway through, my eyes zeroed in on some delicious looking isaw on sticks, frying on used cooking oil, exposed to the elements, with vinegar for dipping ready on the side. Sliced gizzards, pork kidneys, day-old chicks. Man, I had to gulp air, holding back.

I may have forgotten to mention earlier: I am deadbeat broke.

Amusing to find one’s self surviving on coffee, and a couple of instant noodles on my depleted pantry. My rice supply just went. Working for a big ass tv network and I end up broke weeks before the next paycheck comes out.

And so I walked.

Never mind that I miss a few meals. I’m a big man, I won’t die instantly. And of course, there’s always water. Good thing I grew up marginally poor. I know when to curl up, tighten the belt, you know, those clichés we tell ourselves when we have to be stronger.

I ended up borrowing money (again) from my co-workers, something I thought I have long put past my way of living. Still, that pinch on the ego when I do this. Just smacks of being stubbornly stupid with my finances.

Good thing, I might have to reason out, is that the girls back at home have their budget laid out. I’m the only one having to go through the humiliating phase of having to really scrape the bottom of the barrel.

And I worked. Actually, it doesn’t feel like work. When you love what you do, it’s no longer work.

And I came home last night, midnight, the way I went to work yesterday afternoon – walking.

img042

Feels good to stretch these aging legs from time to time.

Closed



Portal, originally uploaded by scrEaMingmANgo.

Suddenly, it felt like doors slamming on my face.

NU107 The Home Of Nu Rock passed away.

A couple of co-workers, friends really, opted to seek greener pastures elsewhere.

And someone dear to me really broke me down, and left me wondering, bewildered and perplexed.

Time to close these doors again. Tired of letting someone in just to see them go.

So I won’t say anything.

I hate fucking goodbyes . . . .

The Heart of the Matter
Don Henley

I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
…People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They’re the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn’t keep me warm

I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

There are people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you inside

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore