A Father’s Journey

I know this guy as a happy-go-lucky-devil -may-care sort of man. And the man knows his way around. Met him at the start of my new job, which is where I currently work.  We used to share a bus ride on my way home when I was still tethered to my Mandaluyong habitat. Knowing his fun-loving ways, I never took Ian for a serious person, just someone who’s always looking for a weekend trip, or an adventure somewhere.

But time and again, I am always looking for the depth in another man’s soul, the thing that makes another human being interesting. Sure enough, I was right. Beneath that facade of beach bum, and skin art enthusiasm, lies a hard man able to face anything in life. This man, Ian, bears the burden of his child heart ailment, and carries it around with a grain of salt. Always with a smile for everyone he meets, we used to work  the 2am to 10am shift and always, we could be giggling like schoolgirls at a frat party. But his heart must have been breaking like glass every time he sees his child suffering. A father, no doubt about it.

Two strong individuals

At the hospital, after Star's heart procedure and Ian, the proud father of the brave little girl.

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What The World Is Coming To . . . .

It’s what I tell myself when things get too hoary. Then that title/question pops up.

So I step back and take in what’s happening around me, peripheral vision activated, logic engines running nominal, aural receivers and filters on full. A song comes to mind with the line ” …learn to be still . . ” and I do.

My Ina [mother] died recently.

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Closed



Portal, originally uploaded by scrEaMingmANgo.

Suddenly, it felt like doors slamming on my face.

NU107 The Home Of Nu Rock passed away.

A couple of co-workers, friends really, opted to seek greener pastures elsewhere.

And someone dear to me really broke me down, and left me wondering, bewildered and perplexed.

Time to close these doors again. Tired of letting someone in just to see them go.

So I won’t say anything.

I hate fucking goodbyes . . . .

The Heart of the Matter
Don Henley

I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
…People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They’re the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn’t keep me warm

I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

There are people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you inside

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore