Elsewhere, Nowhere

I have been, to put it lightly, in limbo.

Much of what happened and happening still is a series of failures and disappointments. My familiarity with losing and failure is very much like a friendship, and sometimes  friendship gets some cracks now and again.

True, I have been writing and illustrating my own graphic novels, I call them komiks novels, as homage to those little bits of literature that kept my imagination since I was a child. But the point is, personally, I am at my lowest where no one, not even my closest friends can get me to stand up.

And it seems during these times of abandonment and being discarded as used up and dried out, is where the whole creativity gets a shot of adrenalin. Something kept me down though, an ending that I saw coming but had no idea how it will unfold. Sure enough it was painful, with all the talking and communication we had, the goodbye got lost in technological snafu, and I fervently wished we could have ended it face to face and talking as friends, not some cloak and dagger, dungeons and dragons misdirection. Call it desperation-inspiration, label it defense mechanism, all I know is I can suffer as long as I can endure, I don’t really harbor grudges to weigh me down. I just feel empty sometimes when I look back about the coulda, woulda, shoulda stuff, you know how it is.

 

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Now I’m doing this, on my own, living as frugal and bohemian in ways no one will understand. I have gone without food for days, a bit of alcohol with friends and that only proves I am made of sturdier stuff. I am living with less and yes, it resulted in me doing more, a paradox, but a welcome one.

Gave up the whole job hunting spree and just write and draw. This is how it’s going to be. No more spending hard-earned money just to get to an interview just to get the feeling of being an outsider. Well, I have always been an outsider. And I’ll use it to my own advantage.

Unconventional. Uncouth and unfashionable. I’d rather swim against the flow than getting lost in the waves.

Putting It All Together

As a person who knows how to draw, I get to do it with almost every endeavor or employment, past and present. There’s always a point somewhere that I need to whip out a pencil, grab a piece of paper and draw. I can’t remember any of my jobs that didn’t figure in a sketch, a drawing, or a design. It can be a logo, or a sign to put up. During college, I may have drawn anything for my friends. I also earned a bit on the side, when I’m at home, students drop by to have some illustration done for their projects.

Most of my doodles end up lost. And I seem to have accustomed myself with how I draw, my methods, of sorts, and even with the rigid in-betweening habits I picked up during my gig with TOEI Animation, of which, by the way, took me years to scrape off from my system, because it almost took over my own way of drawing stuff, my accustomed “style” was to do some rudimentary sketch, expound on it, do a clean up on a light box [a skill I picked up with animation] and revise some more.

I have always thought my illustration skill is second nature, not just a hobby but something that came natural. But I’m not that proud of my work. I’m not as good as Mannix , or Aries, or Maestro or even color and paint like Uging. Wish I could, but these are seasoned artists whom I have grown to admire even when we were still doing work in a studio cramped with drawing tables and paper.

I’m a total slouch with my art.

So one night, while we were just waiting for graphic work to arrive for the news, I took my ink pen and did this:

Putting It All Together

Don’t get me wrong. This is not a single ink  drawing. It’s a three-in-one. I just put it all together to make up one story in visual form. I started with the hand on a cup, and the thing just grew. Pretty drastic for someone who’s used to sketching first. And with ink! can you believe it?

I wanted to find out if I am worthy enough to publish my own komiks this November Komikon. And my confidence is very much at an all time low for sometime. I do have the stories, and the characters. I have been blogging about it here.

My style needs a lot of work. And I mean a LOT.

But I am enjoying this.

 

Perils of Craftsmanship

Sample Illustration for tv simulation, original is in full color

I whip myself silly, because I had to make quick fixes with the head . That was my fault not reading the script entirely.  It’s very obvious that the head was drawn with a full head of hair and I had to make him bald.

 This was done with so short a time I was not really keen on submitting this for tv broadcast. This is a part of a series of simulation drawings that depicts a letter sender’s story. My intent was to create a good comics/book style drawing that will add drama to the letter sender’s predicament, as being discussed by the hosts.

Sadly, this kind of drawing [this is probably the fastest way to stick all the details to the characters, keep the background with less emphasis] even with the right composition is not what I want it to look. But life in tv broadcast is always fast-paced and deadline weary.

I could live with that.

But I really love to illustrate in the best detailed drawing possible, something that would grab the audience and immediately identify with the story being unraveled.  A simulation drawing that could carry the storytelling itself. Continue reading