It’s what I tell myself when things get too hoary. Then that title/question pops up.
So I step back and take in what’s happening around me, peripheral vision activated, logic engines running nominal, aural receivers and filters on full. A song comes to mind with the line ” …learn to be still . . ” and I do.
My Ina [mother] died recently.
I should be mourning like hell since I miss her that much. But I didn’t. Sure, I felt lonely because there’s no chance of ever seeing her again. But the thought that she left this world having had a full life, and a meaningful one at that, gives me comfort. 43 years old, married with two beautiful daughters, I think that’s the message my Ina left – I’ve got my own family now, I should be able to hack it a s a parent.
She died in California. My only cause for sadness is, I was the last one to know. Nobody, not one of my siblings took the time and effort to tell me when and how she died, just some bits from my close friends.
So ties getting slack now, and I won’t do anything to tighten it up a bit. I was the strange one ion the family. The easiest one to blame for anything that has gone wrong. I’m different. there’s so much grief for the way me and my brothers ended up the way it is. But I’m old enough to realize there are some things in life worth severing.
And I will stand. For my own family.